Ever wonder what it feels like to be trapped in a "perfect storm" struggling to find north and relying on your compass to show you the way?
That is exactly how I would describe the past week.
Fely quietly passed away last Friday morning at her home in her sleep. She couldn't take one more day of pain and I think she was ready to be home. As sad and heartbreaking as this is for Ryan and our family, we are at peace knowing that she is with Him.
As soon as we got the call we went into "go" mode and with the help of dear friends and family managed to have everything in order to get on the road. Ryan and I are so lucky to have family and friends that are family to give us this support and comfort.
The entire weekend was one storm after another, not in a negative way, just in a "we've lost our way" feeling, an out of body experience. No matter how "prepared" we were for this to happen, you can never prepare enough. I am so proud of Ryan. The respect and honor that he has for his mom is evident in everything that he does. In finding his north, he made sure that the events honoring her life were just that: an honor to her. From the service to the food, to how he spoke to every "guest", he honored her by serving as the "perfect host"... just as she would have wanted.
The death of a parent is hard for anyone, but this week was especially difficult for Ryan. He has no grandparents, his dad died when he was 8 and now his mom had passed away. His birthday was May 19 and she was laid to rest on May 16, which was his dad's birthday. And while I could very easily focus on the cruelty of this situation, in searching for my North, I see the blessings that we were given.
A part of me believes in dying, Fely gave Ryan his last gift. An end to her suffering. She was no longer in pain. She was at home, peaceful, rested. She had a wonderful visit with all of us on Mother's Day. Fely gave him the gift of peace.
And the significance of having her service on his dad's birthday is beautiful to me. Bill was her true love. She has missed him every single day since the day that he died. He was the love of her life and she went to meet him on his birthday... giving life to their love once again.
In the week that has now passed, Ryan and I have found ourselves creating that "new normal" that people talk about. Searching for north, working through the storm and coming out changed, cleaned, renewed and at peace with our lives. While we could focus on so many what ifs, regrets, and what will never be's, we choose to see the light, we choose to be thankful for what was given to us and what we will now gain with the strength and courage that was created by all of this.
Our compass allowing us to find true north is Him, His guidance, His love, His comfort, and the peace that we have knowing that she is with Him now.
Thank you for the prayers. We feel them and are forever grateful for each of you.