Golden Boy...

Usually I have an idea of what I want to say before I start a post. 

Tonight? Notsomuch.

I know THAT I want to say something, I know that I want it to be MEANINGFUL, I know that I want it to capture what is in my HEART.

I just don't know where to start. 

So I guess like all stories should, I will start at the beginning. 

I always knew I wanted to be a mommy.

I always knew that I wanted three kids.

I knew pretty quick that I wanted Ryan to be those three kids' daddy.

I had no idea just how much all of that "knowing" would change me. 

And then this moment happened...

Whenever I think of the moment Radley arrived - I see this image. (Although clearly he had been wiped down but no one really wants to picture "the" moment, huh?) This beautiful image that my friend, Charis, captured. This tiny human that came out with black hair and deep blue eyes that we knew would turn brown was mine. This tiny person had just changed me from being "Katy" to becoming "Mommy."

And I was changed. 

And the weeks and months went by and Ryan and I got to experience life through him. Our whole world had been awakened by him. We learned to celebrate big. To live big. To forgive big. And most importantly to love big. 

We saw the sky for the first time again. We heard the leaves chime in the wind. We really felt the grass beneath our feet when we had just been walking through it before. 

All because of this tiny human.

But he didn't stay too tiny for long. He grew and with that growth, we discovered patience and understanding. We read books for the first time, 100 times. We sang songs and danced and delighted in all of the joy that comes from being a first-time parent. Even the scary "what the heck am I doing" moments were cause for gratitude. Because we had been given him. 

He was our first born. Out of all the first-time parents in the world, God chose us to be his mom and dad. God chose us. He gave us this beautiful gift. 

Life kept moving and he kept growing. He made us laugh. Lots. He made us cry some, too. But he always made us proud. His creativity, his desire to learn, his tender heart, and his way of living BIG just kept growing too. 

I never imagined or even think to imagine what it would feel like to have my heart walking outside of my body all day long. Not until the day he was born. 

And that's exactly where my heart has been for the past six years. 

With him (and then he had to share it with his sisters).

But you know what is the real miracle?

That I love him MORE. 

I love him more today than in that amazing moment when he was placed in our arms for the first time. I am in more disbelief today that this precious gift was handed over to us without question than in that moment when two kids who had changed 5 diapers between them became parents. 

Radley -

Happiest of birthdays to you, sweet boy. In your golden year, our wish for you remains the same...

That you pray about everything.

That you experience sacrifice so that you know how to give.

That your voice speaks when others can not. 

That you learn to lose so that you know how to win.

That you may know just enough sorrow that you appreciate joy.

Always know...

That you are loved.

That you make us proud.

That you are prayed for.

That you are the best gift any first-time parents have ever received. 

Happy birthday! May this year be the best one yet!