No labor.
No baby.
And every morning, I have been seriously surprised that I had to send this message. I mean who would have thought that with my THIRD child I would be pregnant the longest. I am nearing the official 40 week mark and I was 9 & 10 days early with Radley and Emersyn.
Now, I was grateful that MAK decided to wait to make his/her debut until after HFM left our house but I will admit that every day this week I said, "How is this possible?" to myself.
If you know me, you know that I am a planner. My strengths include achiever and activator meaning I like to start a project, finish a project and then check it off my list. And while, "having a baby" isn't really a "project" - being adaptable isn't really even in the top 15. And I'm pretty darn sure that nothing is going to happen this week.
And, well, I was pretty annoyed, outdone, and preturbed with this thought.
And then, well, and then I started to think about being pregnant.
MAKs movements are growing more subtle as the room in my belly grows smaller and I miss it. I find myself sitting still for extended periods of time just to feel the rolling that is taking place within my body. I crave the feeling of getting kicked to remind me of what a miracle I have been given.
A MIRACLE.
And I'm not saying that for dramatic effect. Pregnancy. Motherhood. The ability to carry a child. These are miracles. Divine gifts. And I have been given this gift three times. THREE times. Instead of rushing this to end, shouldn't I be on my knees saying thank you for letting it continue? I have "easy" pregnancies. No morning sickness; no discomfort; supportive husband; happy kids; normal(ish) weight gain. And as I hear about the stories that others experience during pregnancy (or read it via FB status
I never thought about NOT being able to have a baby. But in this season of my life I am somewhat familiar because of the stories of friends and acquaintances that surround me about the hard time that others have when trying to have a family.
I have learned over the past 4 years that I am not really in control of my life (shocker). Someone else has it all figured out for me. However, I don't really plan on being pregnant again. This is it. These last few days are my last few days to experience this gift, this miracle.
And when I think about that - I don't know if I want it to end.
But as I sit and type this from the glider in MAKs room, I am reminded of all the miracles that come next.
And once again, I pause to give thanks.
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