My new year...

I am totally going to love this series from Andrea and Erika - one of my goals this year is to be more active in connecting with others through their blogs instead of being all stealthy and just reading along. So welcome and I hope you enjoy this little look into We5Kings. 

I'm cheating a little today and linking up a post from the beginning of January, but I'm sure you'll forgive me. Hope it speaks to you this morning. 

Christmas can get crazy. We {moms/parents/grandparents/everyone} get caught up in the fuss of it all, even if we try our hardest not to succumb to the pressure. In this situation, I am thankful for my "organization nuances" (like color-coded spreadsheets) because I have it all figured out, purchased and wrapped in plenty of time. This year was especially "simple" because Ryan and I scored some MAJORLY cheap roundtrip airfare to NYC so that became our gift to the kids. They got 3 more tiny gifts under the tree and we were done. 

Easy right? I mean, this was going to be THE year of calm, cool, collected, no hassle Christmasing accompanied by an awesome morning of celebrating. I mean they frequently ask when we are going to NYC and now we had an answer. 

I wasn't even worried about a reaction - in fact, it wasn't even on my radar. Not in the "I am so nailing this gift" kind of way, but more in the "this is actually something they ask for and they are going to be so thrilled" kind of way. Like it wasn't even a possibility for it to not be awesome. 

And then they opened the gift. And they were so excited (well Radley was SOOOOOO excited, Emmy was excited, and Landry was being a 3 year old and got mad that Radley had "her ticket" so she pouted her way through). And then I realized that I had set an expectation for a reaction that I didn't even know wasn't possible. 

Does that make sense?

And I've made myself just sick over it. I had convinced myself that I ruined Christmas. I cried about it for a week. I replayed the silly thing in my head 100 times. I have so many "I should have" scenarios created that I could sell a "how to surprise your kids" book. I mean - I RUINED CHRISTMAS. 

Clearly. 

And then I uploaded the pictures from the week and started to try to catch up on this little ol' blog of mine and just sat and cried from these pictures of Christmas Eve. Radley took half of them as Gigi, Pops and I worked in the kitchen wondering when and praying out loud that Ryan would be home at a reasonable time this year. 

Music playing. 

Wine poured.

Kids giggling. 

Tiny darling girls in aprons. 

One big old boy snapping these moments.

A tree filled to the brim with gifts purchased with only love as the reason. 

Like cereal that Radley quickly wrapped up for his daddy and then credited everyone in the family as giving even though Gigi was the one that found it. 

I was reminded that we had to go back to the store for more ground meat because we ate so many meatballs as we cooked them. 

I mean, who wouldn't???

And as I came to the last pictures of Christmas Eve, I cried my last tear and ultimately slapped myself silly. Because I finally accepted what I already knew... Christmas really isn't about the gift you give or receive... it's definitely NOT about the reaction, it's really not about the gifts at all. Christmas is about the love that engulfs every tiny bit of the people around it. 

It's about creating memories and sharing traditions. 

It's about a Dad that worked so hard to make it home in time for church so that we could give our praises for Jesus' birth as a family.

It's about all the in-betweens of the non-stop madness we create to make things special. It's about ending one year surrounded by those you love so you can tackle what is yet to come. 

As I sit here on New Year's Day trying to catch up, I am so thankful that I was "behind". You see, I'd yet to set a resolution and I think I may have one that I'll finally keep. It's simple really... 

Give grace. 

To perfect strangers. 

To my best-friends.

To my husband and my kids.

To my colleagues. 

To this world. 

And ultimately, 

to myself. 

I'd encourage you do the same, sweet mommas. Offer grace to yourselves. Know that your hustle is enough. Praise Him for your ability to wake early and stay up late. Be glad knowing that you found that missing toy. Or that you managed to mend a cherished blanket. Be happy that even if dinner wasn't the greatest tonight, you can try again tomorrow. (or just order take out). 

Offer grace when you tried but still didn't succeed. Celebrate those moments when you felt you weren't enough but you did more than anyone could possibly imagine. Don't worry about cleaning the sticky counters at night because they're just going to get dirty again in the morning. Claim those crumbs on the floor arrived as the guests walked in and know that people that really love you don't care if they are there anyway. 

Don't apologize for your crazy - embrace it. I vacuum every single day not because my house is messy, but mostly because it's the one thing I can control and when I see actual vacuum lines in the carpet, I can feel my blood pressure decrease. 

(Yeah, I just let you in on my crazy. And I like it). 

I'm claiming this as my mantra:

In an attempt to wrap this up and tie it all together at once...my goal for this year and all my new year's to come is to sit still and know that His grace is ultimately what matters. That the first and best gift of Christmas was given to us over 2000 years ago. And that when I look back on Christmas or even just a random day in the year, the things I want my kids to remember the most is that their momma was in the kitchen, cooking them a meal with a smile on her face, a glass of unfinished wine on the counter, and Sinatra serenading us in the background.